I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
