there's paper in my vomit.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
