No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
