This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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