goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Randomize
