the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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