Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize