You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
