I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
