9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize