There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
