did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
false alarm. still invincible.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
