wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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