I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
