By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Don't EVER smell your tampon
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
