can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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