note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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