I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize