I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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