I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
