i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
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