Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I intend to get homeless drunk
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
