Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
