You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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