we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
They have beer where we have blood.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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