why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
