I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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