So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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