Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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