4 words: hood of his car
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Randomize
