It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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