i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You took a bar mat shot.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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