I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
