Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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