I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
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