thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
its liver damage thursday
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
