best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
