Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Randomize
