just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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