Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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