So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Randomize
