piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
