I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize