apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
