She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
