It's just like the Real World with babies
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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