Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Semen is not good for contacts.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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