If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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