I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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