i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
