Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
