You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
