If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
