All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Randomize
