my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
