He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize
