Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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