Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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