piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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