Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
