Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
