Nicole vs. Life
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
