I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
