I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
