you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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