I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
