I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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