and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
