It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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