I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
