He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I think my moral compass just broke
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
