Your tits are I can't wait for
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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