im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
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