I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
