The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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