i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
