So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
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