My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize