There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
