And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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