i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize