Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
