last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
