Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Randomize