I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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