there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Randomize
