you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize