I'm lost and stupid without you.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
