Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i dont even know how to be here
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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